Since beginning this blog in 2007, I’ve used it to write about my creative path. The path of the conscious creative is long and sometimes circuitous. I have enough experience to realize that the current set of challenges always seem to be the most difficult; however, I am going to say it again: this period is one of the most challenging of my life.

It started at the beginning of the year when I was inspired to put my own advice in effect: I decided to examine every emotion and detach myself. My mantra was:

The only emotions that are mine are the emotions that I consciously choose.

The dirty little secret is that most people are addicted to emotions, even, and sometimes especially, the so-called negative ones. Think of it: what do people feel when they watch “thriller” movies? They get buzzed by the negative emotion of fear, and thrilled by the adrenaline rush. However, these emotions are wasters of your creative energy, they deplete the body of energy, and worst of all, they allow others to easily control you.

When you don’t consciously choose your emotional reaction, you are more likely to find yourself in situations that are not good for you and allow others to profit from your pain. I would go so far as to say that most wars throughout history relied upon the subversive emotional exploitation of the masses. These wars benefit a small group of people, as they gather and bogart more and more resources. Marketing/selling, as the “military arm” of the capitalistic system, is dependent upon the manipulation of emotions.

The funny thing is: most emotions that you experience are not even yours! Here is a list of the origins of most unconscious emotions:

  1. Inheritance: your relatives, friends, etc. — this is particularly a problem for those people who are empathic and sympathetic, especially if you are at all psychic.
  2. Social conditioning. You receive this conditioning from growing up in a social construct.
  3. Habit: personal memory traces. If you have a strong memory it is attached to an emotion– emotion allows you remember the event. Every time you have a similar experience, it triggers the attached emotion.

The way to break unconscious behavior–even powerful emotions–is always the same:

1. AWARENESS
Become alert to the rise of unconscious emotions.

2. REALIZATION
Realize that these emotions are not yours until they are conscious.

3. CHOICE
Here is the fun part: do you choose this emotion? Maybe you enjoy it. My criteria in choosing what emotions I wanted was: “Does this emotion help or hinder me? Does it feel good?” Once you choose an emotion, you infuse it with conscious power, which is much more powerful than an unconscious emotion. You are using your emotions to manifest the world you want, rather than using your emotions to manifest a negative world that you feed with your unconscious reactions. Unconscious emotions create a mirror existence that is maintained by reactivity.

4. PERSISTENCE
Repeat steps 1-3 as many times as necessary until you feel a bit empty and free of all unconscious emotions.

Now, you might find it a bit disconcerting if you take this to the nth degree, and find yourself without any emotions for a while. I, myself, was addicted to the buzz of creative ideation: I wasn’t happy without a creative project. My task was to find out if I could be happy without a creative project to feed my emotions.

Did I succeed? Yes, but this is just part one of a two part process. My next task was to stop thinking. Now, you might scoff at me—”How can you stop thinking? No one can stop thinking.” And, why would you want to?

I’ll explain all of that in part two.

~~~

People say I’m crazy doing what I’m doing,
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin,
When I say that I’m o.k. they look at me kind of strange,
Surely you’re not happy now you no longer play the game,

People say I’m lazy dreaming my life away,
Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me,
When I tell that I’m doing Fine watching shadows on the wall,
Don’t you miss the big time boy you’re no longer on the ball?

I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go,

People asking questions lost in confusion,
Well I tell them there’s no problem,
Only solutions,
Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I’ve lost my mind,
I tell them there’s no hurry…
I’m just sitting here doing time,

I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go.

—Watching the Wheels, John Lennon